i love you still to pieces...i just dont like your right now

things arent going well.......

im considering the thought of going back to the old shannon..the 6th grade shannon for everyone loved me more as a prep. but mostly the poeple at school.....being an outcast gets lonely........

i fixed my hugs not drugs sweatshirt!! yayyyyyy......i was reading teen people and they say punk/goth/emo is the newest trend and skulls are the new rhinestone and black is the new pink/any color.......

tell me is there something wrong with this picture?.......if all the preps turned goth emo punk then how would the goth emo punk kids stand out?...would they have to be preppy?....ew

hardy har...i fucked up this time........sorry b-rad...but you did say gavin was a better bass player because he plays without a pick...YOU SAID IT!!!!!!.........but gavins not in the greatest band ever thus making mikey a better bass player. 

I GOT THE BEST 1ST QUATER REPORT CARD EVER!!!! math-c+ science c+ pe-a language-a choir-b history-b !!!!! yes. i win at life

xoxoxoxooxo g-rad

i cant wait to go to my pals halloween party tomorrow....I CANT WAIT TO TRICK OR TREAT....its sad that someday i shall be to old to trick or treat.....anyway.....my kickass costume has been assembled!!!!!! my awesome skeleton print jacket! yes...my skeleton golves and my black pants with white ducttape bones on the legs my bowtie and my tiara...flippin heck yes man.....best halloween ever. i hope i get to go trick or treating with b-rad ....even though [[[you know what im just going to explode about this and get it out of my system]]] SHES ALWAYS FUCKING WITH BECCA!!!!!!!  i tried to call you last night b-rad but you were in buckley with becca im presuming.....so my friend im starting to think i dont really want to go with you...if you havent noticed the only thing we talk about when we're together is your precious gavin becca and the emo boys that you dont even know that love you so terribly...um ok im just going to spill it now: your always with becca you make no time for us to be together there is no effort in keeping in touch with me except the occasional call to see if i dream and then tell me about gavin and becca and shit,..........you dont even know how pissed my friends get at me when they want me to come to one of their partys and im like no im spending this weekend with b-rad or how many people i blow off anyway becuase we had unformed plans but you...you just dont......then i took the thought to mind that i didnt want to be friends with you anymore because i was just to pissed off and sick of hearing about gavin, how soft his hair is, how his afi shirt looks better on him, how he 'wrote' the poem about you, how hes a better bass player than mikey, how he looks so good in eyeliner, how he constantly checks you out, how you made him cry, how much the amazing gavin loves you so much but wont talk to you, how hot his voice is, how you only the the mcr lyric involving the word velvet because it said that in his poem, how he cant spell online, how he spelled satin instead of satan, how he wants to see wallace and grommit even though we were supposed to see it together but no your going with becca and gavin after church so what the fuck does it matter?......but 11 years of friendship isnt really worth giving up over this shit i mean my darling b-rad we have only fought once and NO OFFENSE!!!!! but it was when you came back from church camp...umm that one time when i said something to you about how much you changed and you fucking slapped me...and i was mad because my mom was sleeping so she couldnt fucking take you home.....you always seem to change when you come back from church camp every flippin summer and i worry that we wouldnt be able to get along anymore because you say it yourself your not interested in the things you once loved...like this summer the first time i talked to you you said you didnt really like my chemical romance anymore........and that you put them before god..wich i dont see how its possible to idolize 5 guys more than your love for god  because you go to church like 3 times a week.........oh yeah and im sorry IM NOT A FUCKING HARDCORE CHRISTIAN like gavin and becca!

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!!??!

god whats going on around here.....this had been the worst week ever  i swear...my dog had 12 puppies in august and they'd just been getting to they're prime of puppiness and they got poisened and 10 of them died.....it was repulsive...they're insides like melted and they ended up either puking them or shitting them out and even without them they still tried to just hold on and it was just a body so tortured with each colapsing breathe just died even slower.......i cried.....so all we have left is 2 out of flippin 12 and i cant even name either...i wanted to name the one i liked donnington amadayis jacksonville....but she wouldnt let me..i wanted to name the other one sedgewick artimous rolfington.....but no......so their names are jack and lucky.....RETARDED.......and today pats son died my mom, randy, and pats ex-wife are going into surgery soon.......my mother is making no effort in spending time with me....shes always showing my arm off...'look at these scars'..bitch...then she was like do it again and i'll brake your arm so you dont have to worry about it.....and she hit me...then she hugged me and i was like pushing away 'get the fuck away dont touch me' then she was like i only hurt you because i love you well dont i feel great god!!!

im just so emotional right now i am feeling nothing ....

the world is a vampire

...oh my god...

yesterday was the worst day of my life

my dumbass little sister told my mom im a cutter...thank the lord that i havent done it in a week and theres nothing fresh only 20 visible marks...my mother reacted differently than i had thought....it was exactly like the ending to thirteen....

im sorry b-rad about my mother calling your father and having a cow or perhaps a manatee about him not telling her you did it then her fillpin cuz i did so now your father knows i cut and supposedly thinks i am a even worse influence on you....my mom wants me to get therapy....i dont need a motherfuckin therapist for this shit its not gonna make my home life change.

my darling b-rad, i fear we're not going to be able to hangout anymore, or even see eachother...........i am so ruined.....my mother claims she is going to check my arms and legs every night to make sure im not doing it anymore...she also claims if she fiinds another cut im going straight to western state, a mental facility.

i think the worst part out of all of this is that she still doesnt understand, shes still not going to spend time with me, and shes still going to tell me her life would be easier if she didnt have me around.

i am just watching life crumble around me...this is not the right time for this...GOD nobody understands i am so fucking alone right now i am just so pissed off i even let myself do this...what the fucks wrong with me......i guess i dont have to pretend im happy anymore